15 Simple Warning Signs You're Not Standing Up for Yourself

When it comes to everyday life, it’s natural to want to be treated fairly and with respect.

Unfortunately, sometimes it can be hard to stand up for yourself when it's necessary.

It’s important to know when you’re not standing up for yourself and how to address the situation.

While not all of these warning signs will apply to every person, it’s important to be aware of them so that you can take action when necessary.

The following 15 warning signs are simple indicators that you’re not standing up for yourself and the respect you deserve.

If you recognize any of these warning signs, it’s time to take a stand and make sure your voice is heard.

1. You Say "Yes" to Things You Don't Want to Do

It means that you tend to agree to events you don't particularly want to attend or that make you uncomfortable, perhaps because you feel social pressure or because you have difficulty setting boundaries.

You might, for example, say "yes" to attending a party with your friend because you don't want to disappoint her.

2. You Don't Speak Up for Your Ideas or Opinions

In other words, you keep your own feelings, thoughts and ideas to yourself, even when they are different from those of others.

You might not feel comfortable discussing or fear being judged or rejected, for instance, in a group situation.

You might, however, have a good idea but be hesitant to share it because you believe it is silly.

3. You Feel Guilty or Apologetic When Asserting Your Boundaries

You find it difficult to stand up for yourself and set boundaries with others.

You might feel bad or sorry when declining an invitation or setting boundaries with friends.

You may feel bad when declining an invitation with your friend because you have other plans, even though you have the right to make your own schedule.

4. You Have a Hard Time Saying "No"

When you're experiencing this phenomenon, you find it difficult to say no to others even when it would be in your best interest or when you really need time.

You are just a wonderful person that you might be concerned about disappointing others or creating conflict.

For example, you may find it difficult to turn down your co-worker or boss's request to work extra hours, even though you have other things to do or need time for yourself.

5. You Prioritize Others' Needs Over Your Own

You might put the needs and wants of others before your own in such a way that you neglect your own needs and desires.

You most likely do this because you want to be helpful, or because you fear being perceived as selfish but this is kind of a big deal.

For example, you might forego your own plans in order to help a friend with a project, even though it means you are losing something you want.

6. You Avoid Confrontations or Difficult Conversations

You have a track record of tending to avoid situations that involve confrontation or disagreement, this could mean that you avoid talking about sensitive issues with your partner.

Or that you avoid such issues including problem-solving because you are uncomfortable with conflict or unsure of your ability to handle them.

7. You Justify Your Actions or Decisions to Others

You may feel compelled to justify your choices or decisions to others, particularly if you don't feel competent or if you fear being judged or rejected and being in the wrong.

For example, you might feel compelled to justify and make the point of why you want to take a particular course or pursue a particular profession path to your friends or family.

8. You Feel Resentful or Taken Advantage of in Your Relationships

You might feel like you are being taken advantage of or abused in your relationships with others.

Or perhaps you are always making sacrifices, or you are not getting your needs met.

Here is an example: You might feel frustrated and unimportant if a friend always cancels plans at the last minute, leaving you feeling resentful.

9. You Struggle to Stand Up for Yourself in Group Settings

You find it hard to speak up in groups, possibly because you are too worried about being judged or rejected by the group to assert yourself.

You may feel as if your opinion doesn't matter or that others will disagree with you.

For example, you may refrain from speaking up in a group meeting because you believe that your proposal will be shot down by the rest of the group.

10. You Have a Hard Time Setting Boundaries

You have a hard time establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries with others.

You may find it difficult to say "no" or defend yourself when others cross your boundaries.

For example, you may find it difficult to say to a friend that you do not wish to discuss a certain subject because it makes you uncomfortable.

11. You Compromise Your Values or Beliefs to Fit In

You compromise your values or beliefs in order to fit in or be liked by others when you feel this way because at the end of the day you are a people pleaser.

You may be left out or judged if you do not conform to the group's norms, for example.

You may go along with your friends' plans to do something that goes against your moral code if you fear being left out.

12. You Feel Constantly Taken Advantage of or Mistreated

This describes the sensation that you are being exploited or mistreated in numerous ways and you are letting people walk all over you.

You might feel as if you are being unfairly treated or that your boundaries are not being respected, for instance.

Although your coworkers may have offered you no recognition or thanks for doing extra work, you might still feel as if they were taking advantage of you.

13. You Feel Like Your Opinions and Feelings Don't Matter to Others

You feel like your thoughts, opinions, and feelings are not valued or respected by others.

You may feel like you are constantly being ignored or dismissed, or that you don't have a say in important decisions which makes you feel angry and resentment.

For example, you might feel like your ideas are always shot down in meetings or that your input is not taken into consideration by your boss.

14. You Struggle to Advocate for Yourself Professionally or Academically

You lack the skills or confidence necessary to advocate and explain for yourself in professional or academic settings.

For example, you might find it difficult to negotiate a higher salary or seek a higher grade from a professor.

15. You Feel Like You Can't Be Yourself Around Certain People or in Certain Situations

This indicates that you feel compelled to put on a different persona or mask in certain situations or around certain individuals, possibly because you fear being judged or rejected.

You may believe that your close friends would not like you if you were truly open and authentic.

As a result, you might feel pressured to act in a more extroverted manner or display greater confidence around them.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. How can I learn to stand up for myself?

Starting to develop your assertiveness skills takes time and effort.

Here are a few pointers to help you get started:

Identify your values and beliefs

Being able to identify your values can help you feel more comfortable standing up for yourself.

Set boundaries

It is vital to set boundaries with others so that they know what you are and are not comfortable with.

If you are asked to do something you do not want to do, practice saying "no" and asserting your boundaries with others.

Practice self-care

Being concerned about your own physical, mental, and emotional well-being can help you feel more grounded and confident.

Use "I" statements

When explaining your desires or limits, avoid using the pronoun "you".

Using "I" phrases rather than "you" phrases can help the other person feel less threatened and more willing to listen to what you have to say.

Seek support

Having a supportive group of friends, family, or a therapist can help you practice standing up for yourself and provide encouragement.

2. What are some ways to assert myself in a respectful way?

Here are some ways to show people respect:

Use a calm and confident tone

When asking for something or setting a boundary, try to remain calm and confident.

This will open the other person up to hearing what you have to say.

Use "I" statements

Using "I" statements can help the other person feel less attacked and more open to hearing your perspective, as mentioned above.

Practice active listening

Remind yourself to nod, look at the person, and repeat back what they've said to show that you're listening and open to their perspective.

Be clear and direct

However, try to avoid being aggressive or confrontational when making your request or statement.

Please keep your request or statement clear and direct at that very moment.

Use nonverbal cues

When appropriate, your body language and facial expressions can also communicate assertiveness.

Stand up straight, make eye contact, and use a firm handshake.

3. How do I know if I'm being too aggressive or not assertive enough?

Finding the right balance between being assertive and being too aggressive is important and it takes practice.

Here are some ways to tell if you're leaning one way or the other:

Too aggressive

It is possible that you are being too aggressive if you tend to interrupt others, raise your voice with anger, or use threatening language.

This is a bad thing and you need to realize what is happening so that you can immediately stop.

Not assertive enough

In other words, if you routinely acquiesce to things you don't desire to do, aren't assertive enough, and don't stand up for your own requirements and demands, you may not be powerful enough.

4. How can I stand up for myself in a relationship?

It is vital to communicate your requirements and boundaries in a healthy, respectful relationship, but standing up for yourself is difficult and does feel scary.

To stand up for yourself in a relationship, follow these guidelines:

Know your boundaries

It's critical to know what you want and dislike in a romantic relationship.

Make a checklist of your limits and be clear with your partner about them.

Use "I" statements

When communicating your requirements or boundaries, use "I" statements rather than "you" statements.

Using "I" statements may help the other person feel less injured and more open to listening to what you have to say.

Don't be afraid to set limits

It's okay to set boundaries with your partner and say "no" when you need to.

It's important to respect your own boundaries and needs.

Communicate openly and honestly

It's critical to be clear and forthcoming with your partner about your needs and boundaries.

Make sure to let them know how you are feeling and what you need from them.

Seek support

Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist may be helpful if you are having difficulty standing up for yourself in your relationship.

They might offer you a fresh perspective and help you develop strategies for effectively communicating your needs.

Remember that it's okay to say "no"

It's okay to say 'no' to things that make you uncomfortable or that you don't want to do.

It is important to respect your own boundaries and needs.

Key Takeaways

Many people, if not most people, are afraid to stand up for themselves because they’re afraid of what others will think or say.

But the truth is, standing up for yourself isn’t just about protecting your reputation or looking good in the eyes of others.

Standing up for yourself is a vital part of any healthy relationship and can help strengthen your bond with others.

Even though you may think that you don’t have much to offer, it’s important to remember that you do.

As you stand up for yourself, you’ll find that you develop more self-awareness and self-worth and that you’re able to relate to others more authentically.

It’s important to remember that you always have options and that you deserve to be treated with respect.

By maintaining a healthy level of self-esteem, you’ll be able to make better decisions in your professional and personal life as well as create a more enjoyable environment for yourself and others around you.

Looking to build your courage even further? Then check out our Finding Courage page.