Why You Should Never Find Your Self-Worth In Someone Else (Do This Instead)

Healthy self-worth is worth fighting for, and it’s something we should never give up on.

Everyone struggles with low self-worth from time to time, but the struggle can become so intense that you lose sight of why you have it in the first place.

Being overcritical of your value and constantly comparing your worth to someone else can cause us to lose our sense of self.

Becoming overly concerned with how others perceive you is a common trap many people fall into — and it’s difficult to escape from once you realize its harmful effects on your self-esteem.

However, it doesn’t mean there’s no hope left.

Self-worth Meaning

Self-worth is a complex concept, and it can vary depending on how you define it.

In some cases, self-worth may refer to your overall sense of worth as a person.

This includes your sense of worth as a member of your community, as a human being, and as an individual.

Other times, self-worth may refer to the amount of esteem you place on yourself.

This may include your opinion of your abilities, your view of your worth as a financial stakeholder, or your estimation of your worth as a romantic partner.

Whatever the definition, the importance is to understand that self-worth is relative - it's based on your values and experiences.

So what matters to one person might not matter to another, and what feels good to one person might not feel good to another.

Ultimately, self-worth is a personal decision - it's up to you to decide what matters to you and how you want to measure your worth.

How to Determine Self-worth?

Self-worth is a complex topic.

It can be influenced by many factors, including our family, friends, social media, and society in general.

But at its core, self-worth is a personal judgment of our worth.

We each have our unique definition of what makes us happy and satisfied, and no one else can truly understand or appreciate that.

That's why it's important to find things that make us happy on our own - no one else can do that for us.

And the best way to do that is by cultivating a positive self-image and self-respect.

This means looking at ourselves in a positive light and accepting our flaws without judgment.

It's a process that takes time and patience, but it's ultimately worth it.

How to Know Your Self-worth?

To measure self-worth is also a massive complex issue.

There's no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, as the way you feel about your self-worth will vary depending on your personality and experiences.

However, there are a few things you can do to help boost self-worth.

First, be honest with yourself - be willing to admit when you're making mistakes and recognize that you're not perfect.

This will help you learn and grow, and it will also help you to accept your flaws.

Also, focus on your strengths.

Recognize the things that make you unique and special, and celebrate them.

This can help you to feel proud of who you are, and it can also help you to feel confident in your abilities.

Finally, remember that your self-worth is not based on what others think of you - it's based on how you feel about yourself.

So don't worry about what other people think, focus on what makes you happy, and go from there.

Judging Yourself

Why Judging Yourself is Difficult?

Judging yourself is difficult.

Some people use the phrase 'self-esteem' to describe a feeling of worth and pride, while others use the phrase 'confidence.'

'Courage' and 'independence' are also used.

'Self-worth' is a phrase that is used by many people.

The best way to figure out what words to use to describe that elusive, intangible sensation is to think about how you feel about yourself.

When growing up, it was common to judge yourself based on your grades, whether you were a straight-A student or not, the number of friends you have, and so on.

How to Not Judge Yourself

It's difficult not to judge ourselves, especially when we make mistakes.

But judging ourselves harshly only makes us feel worse and has a massive negative effect.

Read more on the negative effects of judging yourself by HealthyPlace.

Instead of dwelling on the negative things we've done and having negative thoughts, try to take a step back and view them more objectively.

For example, if you made a mistake at work, try to understand why it happened and what you could have done differently.

This way, you won't feel so bad about yourself and you'll be better prepared for the next time something like that happens.

Self-judgement is also a habit - once we start judging ourselves, it's hard to stop.

But by focusing on our strengths and weaknesses constructively, we can begin to overcome our negative thinking habits.

So remember: don't judge yourself, and you'll be able to stay upbeat even during difficult times.

Judge Yourself Before Judging Others

Before you start judging others, take a moment to evaluate your behavior.

Are you negatively reacting to things easily?

Are you judging others without knowing any facts?

If so, it's time to change your mindset. Instead of judging others, try to understand them.

And if you still feel the need to judge them, do it compassionately - as an observer rather than a participant.

After all, we all make mistakes - it's better to forgive and forget than to constantly criticize and condemn.

So let's all try to Judge ourselves Before Judging Others.

It'll make life a lot easier that way.

Why Comparing Ourselves to Others is Unhealthy

Even as we age, we continue to play the same mental game.

We compare wages, cars, and houses, but this time we compare ourselves with others to determine our worth.

We constantly compare ourselves to others, whether it be family, friends, or social media, to determine our value.

Many people are unhappy, stressed out, dealing with mental health issues, and never truly happy because of this blunder.

Even when they achieve a goal, they are not happy; instead, they look at someone else who appears to be better off and feel dissatisfied.

Men who are married for years may lose interest in life or cheat on their spouse.

In either case, their self-worth is connected to another person or an idea of life.

They feel like a failure if they look at 'casanovas' who have numerous affairs.

They want more than what they have.

Give in to these enticements, the consequences can be dire at a deeper level.

A marriage may end in divorce, finances may be disrupted, and our lives might feel as if we had wasted years.

So many people look back in regret and fand do not know why they acted the way they did.

They have no idea that their sense of worth was connected to outside performance, appearance, and lofty objectives.

Whenever your sense of worth is based on outside performance and an impressive 'image', your emotions will fluctuate.

Despite the ups and downs of life, who you are at any given moment is what lasts.

A successful millionaire might experience the highest of highs until a financial crisis wrecks everything, leaving them feeling guilty, worthless and a bag of low emotions.

It doesn't matter how much money or power you have, because you are still valuable.

Someone who is homeless and broke has the same amount of self-worth as that millionaire.

The difference here is the circumstances of the person, not their negative or positive qualities.

External Validation Meaning

External validation is a term used to describe the feeling of being accepted and approved of by others.

When we feel this sense of validation from external factors, it can boost our self-worth and give us.

It can also help us to feel better about ourselves, even when we're not feeling great about ourselves.

Validation can come from friends, family, co-workers, or strangers.

Whatever the source, it's important to remember that it's not always positive - sometimes it can be negative or even destructive.

But, overall, external validation is a valuable thing to have in our lives.

It can help us to feel accepted and admired, which can be a powerful tool for self-esteem and self-confidence.

So make sure to get as much external validation as you can - it might just be the best thing you ever do for yourself.

When Does External Validation Become Unhealthy?

External validation can be a source of great pride for people - it can give them an internal sense of self-worth and help them feel good about themselves.

However, too much external validation in your own life can become unhealthy and can lead to mental health issues if it's not balanced with enough self-love.

When people are constantly seeking external validation, it can lead to a cycle of self-doubt and low self-worth.

This is because the validation isn't always genuine - it may be based on superficial judgments or may not reflect the person's true strengths and abilities.

In addition, when people are constantly seeking external validation, they may be less likely to challenge or grow their skills.

This can lead to a feeling of stagnation and unhappiness.

So while external validation can be a source of happiness and motivation, it's important to be self-aware of the dangers of over-reliance on it.

It will be very stressful for your partner if you require them to constantly reassure you of your worthiness.

You will always deplete your “stores,” and your partner will have to continually replenish them to make you feel good.

However, they have their own lives and needs too.

You will need to be supportive of and motivate them too, of course.

How will you accomplish that if your self-worth is running on empty and you're depressed?

The Link Between Approval Seeking and Low Self-Esteem

There's a clear link between approval-seeking and low self-esteem.

People who seek external validation are often uncomfortable with their selves, and they need to feel good about themselves in to feel good about themselves.

This is why they're drawn to things like approval from others - it gives them a sense of self-worth that they can't get from within.

People who are approval seekers often feel the need to do things that are harmful to others to get what they want.

This is why they're often drawn to dangerous occupations or relationships - they think that by getting close to someone powerful, they'll be able to get what they want without having to work for it.

So if you're feeling down about yourself, it's important to remember that there's a reason - it's not because you're a bad person, it's because you're looking for approval that you can't find within.

Instead of trying to find validation from outside sources, try to find your internal compass.

This will help you navigate through life without needing external approval to feel okay.

How to Stop Seeking External Validation

The best way and first step to stop seeking external validation is to shift your focus.

Instead of looking to others to determine your worth, start with self-awareness and believing in yourself.

Once we start believing in ourselves we then start to develop the skill of self-compassion.

This doesn't mean you have to be self-assured - in fact, it's perfectly okay to occasionally need some reassurance.

But over time, you'll develop a stronger sense of self-confidence, self-compassion, and self-worth based on what you achieve, not based on what others think of you.

Conclusion

It can be tempting to seek approval from other people when you feel bad about yourself, but that’s the road to life-destroying self-doubt.

Why? Because it robs you of your own identity and independence.

When you base your worth on someone else’s preferences, you may end up feeling like you’re not good enough.

You start to doubt your ability and your choices.

You may stop making your own decisions and start doing whatever you think will get you what you want.

And the truth?

It never works out.

Instead, you end up feeling sad and disappointed because no one ever really likes you for who you are.

It’s critical to spend time thinking deeply about yourself, your feelings, and your emotions.

Stop listening to your inner critic!

Write down your accomplishments and targets to get you out of your comfort zone.

Pay attention to how far you've come.

Work on loving the person in the mirror, even though they have survived many storms.

Know that you are a good person and worthy of anything in life despite what society feels.

If you care about yourself and respect yourself, you will be able to and not be afraid to withstand any life experience.

You will like yourself, which will improve your connections, your healthy well-being, and succeed in life.

Read more posts on improving yourself and achieving your goals in life on our Boosting Self-confidence page.